Day 11: Mommies & Daddies

Cooper,

I think Momma is sick.  I started feeling achey and crampy last night and today I've been congested, achey, crampy, and can't seem to get warm.  I think I may have a low fever.  Used your thermometer. :) I'm working tomorrow morning and hoping that I don't get worse during the night and can make it in since I'm only working half days.  Daddy went to the doctor as well today.  He played volleyball this weekend and started hurting on Saturday night after we got back.  He dropped some keys and feels like he popped something.  They think he had a pinched nerve.  Praying it goes away soon so he can get back to working out to pass his PT test in few months.  We really need him to pass.  We know your watching over us with God and Jesus. 

Day 11: It is said that Fathers and Mothers grieve differently.  Do you feel this is true with your angels father?

Yes and no.  I don't think one of loved you more so I don't think one of us misses you more either.  But we are diffinately grieving differently.  Daddy would much prefer not talking to anyone about other me.  He likes to distract himself. And went back to work a lot earlier than I did.  While don't think there hasn't been a day thats gone by that I haven't cried for you.  I don't think Daddy has cried in quite some time.  And that's okay.  I've been going to see a very nice lady named Adrienne.  She lets me talk about you as much as I want or as little as I want.  In the beginning it was a lot. I talked about you for almost 2 hours.  But since then, it's mostly been about me and ways to help me feel better.  I've also went back to work much later than him.  It was good to be back and see people but it's been really hard seeing and working with children.  It's hard to know that I'll never get to take you to your first day of school or hang your art work up in the refrigerator.  Or call call your Nana, Mimi, and Kimmy and tell them about your latest achievements.  It's really had knowing I'll never be able to teach you how to read.  I think it's different for me since I carried you for almost 8 months.  I got to know you before your Daddy did.  My body kept you alive for a very long time.  And then it failed and you had to come early.  I feel horrible for that.  There was nothing I could do either. I look and realize I had some of the symptoms a long time before that and maybe if I had spoken up they could have given me something so you could have stayed inside just a little bit longer.  I feel horrible that I didn't speak up.

But know that Daddy and I loved you from the VERY MINUTE we knew about you and we will ALWAYS love you! We would have done anything for you.

love you to the moon and back,
Momma