Days 8&9 Time to play catch up!

Cooper,

Yesterday I was busy but let me tell you I thought about you more than anything else yesterday! By the time I got home, I was one tired momma and just feel asleep.  I was feeling really anxious for most of the day and just need to be distracted.  I had a pretty good time last night with some fo my friends and it was exactly what I needed.  It felt so good just to laugh and have fun! I felt so bad because for a little while I forgot about how horrible the last few weeks have been.  But then your daddy reminded me, that last night is what you would have wanted for me.  And that's okay for me to smile and laugh and not feel guilty.  So today when I'd catch myself smiling, I'd look up at the sky so you could see my smile.  Because after today, I know that you must be looking down and watching over us.  Thank you so much for the sign you sent us today sweet boy! I got the message!

Day 8: Do you feel like you have more good days than bad days?

I think they are starting to even out.  Most days are a blend of good and bad.  I don't really ever know what's going to trigger me.  Sometimes I know that something will trigger me and I'll start to cry and I'll try to figure out a way to avoid it.  But then sometimes there are things that I don't think will bother me at all and I see them and I'll start crying.  Yesterday at work I was doing pretty good during in service.  They were doing training on how to get dad's more involved.  They showed a slide show of kids and their dads. J. asked if I needed to step out and I said told her I thought I'd be okay and would just stay there and about halfway throught it I lost it and just ran out of the there as fast as I could. I just never know how I'm going to react.  But today was good day.  I cried some but it was still pretty good.

Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't have other children, how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?

I think that losing you has brought us even closer together.  A lot of people have said that it will either destroy a marriage or bring them closer.  Your daddy and I already have an interesting relationship after what we'd been through before we got married.  That itself it's quite a story.  But we fight for each other so I don't think we are going anywhere.  We're in this for the long haul.  We still get angry with each other but not nearly as much as what we did before.  I think we let the little things go much more and really pick our battles.  I know we loved each other before but we love each other just a little bit harder now. 

love you to the moon and back,
Momma