Cooper,
I think Momma is sick. I started feeling achey and crampy last night and today I've been congested, achey, crampy, and can't seem to get warm. I think I may have a low fever. Used your thermometer. :) I'm working tomorrow morning and hoping that I don't get worse during the night and can make it in since I'm only working half days. Daddy went to the doctor as well today. He played volleyball this weekend and started hurting on Saturday night after we got back. He dropped some keys and feels like he popped something. They think he had a pinched nerve. Praying it goes away soon so he can get back to working out to pass his PT test in few months. We really need him to pass. We know your watching over us with God and Jesus.
Day 11: It is said that Fathers and Mothers grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angels father?
Yes and no. I don't think one of loved you more so I don't think one of us misses you more either. But we are diffinately grieving differently. Daddy would much prefer not talking to anyone about other me. He likes to distract himself. And went back to work a lot earlier than I did. While don't think there hasn't been a day thats gone by that I haven't cried for you. I don't think Daddy has cried in quite some time. And that's okay. I've been going to see a very nice lady named Adrienne. She lets me talk about you as much as I want or as little as I want. In the beginning it was a lot. I talked about you for almost 2 hours. But since then, it's mostly been about me and ways to help me feel better. I've also went back to work much later than him. It was good to be back and see people but it's been really hard seeing and working with children. It's hard to know that I'll never get to take you to your first day of school or hang your art work up in the refrigerator. Or call call your Nana, Mimi, and Kimmy and tell them about your latest achievements. It's really had knowing I'll never be able to teach you how to read. I think it's different for me since I carried you for almost 8 months. I got to know you before your Daddy did. My body kept you alive for a very long time. And then it failed and you had to come early. I feel horrible for that. There was nothing I could do either. I look and realize I had some of the symptoms a long time before that and maybe if I had spoken up they could have given me something so you could have stayed inside just a little bit longer. I feel horrible that I didn't speak up.
But know that Daddy and I loved you from the VERY MINUTE we knew about you and we will ALWAYS love you! We would have done anything for you.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Day 10: Older kids & Rainbow children
Cooper,
Mommy is in a lot of physical pain right now. I don't think I've hurt this much since I had you. If things don't change I'm going to be calling my doctor ASAP. I've also got the headache from hell, I think I'm going to chalk that one up to my blood pressure. They are still trying to get that one under control. They aren't sure if it's because of the stress that I'm under or if my blood pressue is just high now. We really need to get it under control before we can think about a sibling for you. Which hopefully we can be thinking about it less than 6 months...*fingerscrossed* in less than a year you will be a future big brother.
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
We don't have older children and we don't have Rainbows either. But you can count on it that we will try for Rainbows, whether they are biologically ours or not. One day we will have more children and we will tell them all about you Cooper. I can't wait to tell them about you and show them your pictures and take them to see you.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Mommy is in a lot of physical pain right now. I don't think I've hurt this much since I had you. If things don't change I'm going to be calling my doctor ASAP. I've also got the headache from hell, I think I'm going to chalk that one up to my blood pressure. They are still trying to get that one under control. They aren't sure if it's because of the stress that I'm under or if my blood pressue is just high now. We really need to get it under control before we can think about a sibling for you. Which hopefully we can be thinking about it less than 6 months...*fingerscrossed* in less than a year you will be a future big brother.
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
We don't have older children and we don't have Rainbows either. But you can count on it that we will try for Rainbows, whether they are biologically ours or not. One day we will have more children and we will tell them all about you Cooper. I can't wait to tell them about you and show them your pictures and take them to see you.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Days 8&9 Time to play catch up!
Cooper,
Yesterday I was busy but let me tell you I thought about you more than anything else yesterday! By the time I got home, I was one tired momma and just feel asleep. I was feeling really anxious for most of the day and just need to be distracted. I had a pretty good time last night with some fo my friends and it was exactly what I needed. It felt so good just to laugh and have fun! I felt so bad because for a little while I forgot about how horrible the last few weeks have been. But then your daddy reminded me, that last night is what you would have wanted for me. And that's okay for me to smile and laugh and not feel guilty. So today when I'd catch myself smiling, I'd look up at the sky so you could see my smile. Because after today, I know that you must be looking down and watching over us. Thank you so much for the sign you sent us today sweet boy! I got the message!
Day 8: Do you feel like you have more good days than bad days?
I think they are starting to even out. Most days are a blend of good and bad. I don't really ever know what's going to trigger me. Sometimes I know that something will trigger me and I'll start to cry and I'll try to figure out a way to avoid it. But then sometimes there are things that I don't think will bother me at all and I see them and I'll start crying. Yesterday at work I was doing pretty good during in service. They were doing training on how to get dad's more involved. They showed a slide show of kids and their dads. J. asked if I needed to step out and I said told her I thought I'd be okay and would just stay there and about halfway throught it I lost it and just ran out of the there as fast as I could. I just never know how I'm going to react. But today was good day. I cried some but it was still pretty good.
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't have other children, how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
I think that losing you has brought us even closer together. A lot of people have said that it will either destroy a marriage or bring them closer. Your daddy and I already have an interesting relationship after what we'd been through before we got married. That itself it's quite a story. But we fight for each other so I don't think we are going anywhere. We're in this for the long haul. We still get angry with each other but not nearly as much as what we did before. I think we let the little things go much more and really pick our battles. I know we loved each other before but we love each other just a little bit harder now.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Yesterday I was busy but let me tell you I thought about you more than anything else yesterday! By the time I got home, I was one tired momma and just feel asleep. I was feeling really anxious for most of the day and just need to be distracted. I had a pretty good time last night with some fo my friends and it was exactly what I needed. It felt so good just to laugh and have fun! I felt so bad because for a little while I forgot about how horrible the last few weeks have been. But then your daddy reminded me, that last night is what you would have wanted for me. And that's okay for me to smile and laugh and not feel guilty. So today when I'd catch myself smiling, I'd look up at the sky so you could see my smile. Because after today, I know that you must be looking down and watching over us. Thank you so much for the sign you sent us today sweet boy! I got the message!
Day 8: Do you feel like you have more good days than bad days?
I think they are starting to even out. Most days are a blend of good and bad. I don't really ever know what's going to trigger me. Sometimes I know that something will trigger me and I'll start to cry and I'll try to figure out a way to avoid it. But then sometimes there are things that I don't think will bother me at all and I see them and I'll start crying. Yesterday at work I was doing pretty good during in service. They were doing training on how to get dad's more involved. They showed a slide show of kids and their dads. J. asked if I needed to step out and I said told her I thought I'd be okay and would just stay there and about halfway throught it I lost it and just ran out of the there as fast as I could. I just never know how I'm going to react. But today was good day. I cried some but it was still pretty good.
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't have other children, how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
I think that losing you has brought us even closer together. A lot of people have said that it will either destroy a marriage or bring them closer. Your daddy and I already have an interesting relationship after what we'd been through before we got married. That itself it's quite a story. But we fight for each other so I don't think we are going anywhere. We're in this for the long haul. We still get angry with each other but not nearly as much as what we did before. I think we let the little things go much more and really pick our battles. I know we loved each other before but we love each other just a little bit harder now.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Day 8: Good Days vs. Bad Days
Cooper,
Day 8: Do you feel like you have more good days than bad days?
Right now I feel like I have more bad days than good days. I'm hoping that maybe a year from now that will have changed. I can't wait for the day when I think about you and just smile. Right now, when I think about tears come with the smiles. I have some days that are completely good and some days that are completely bad. But mostly I have days that are a combination.
I just want you to know Cooper, I think I'm picking up on your signs. I've seen your name a lot in the last few days. Twice in a 24 hour period and I'd never really saw your name anywhere. And our name if you have a little brother I have saw everywhere I turn. Is that your way of telling me you are going to send your little brother??? We love you so much.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Day 8: Do you feel like you have more good days than bad days?
Right now I feel like I have more bad days than good days. I'm hoping that maybe a year from now that will have changed. I can't wait for the day when I think about you and just smile. Right now, when I think about tears come with the smiles. I have some days that are completely good and some days that are completely bad. But mostly I have days that are a combination.
I just want you to know Cooper, I think I'm picking up on your signs. I've seen your name a lot in the last few days. Twice in a 24 hour period and I'd never really saw your name anywhere. And our name if you have a little brother I have saw everywhere I turn. Is that your way of telling me you are going to send your little brother??? We love you so much.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Day 7: Honoring You
Cooper,
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
We've decided to do March of Dimes in your honor. We've raised close to $1000. I like to think it's going to NEC research but I highly doubt that. The walk is next weekend in Ada, Oklahoma. Daddy can't come with me because he has to work but hopefully next year we will both be able to walk for you. I'm really excited about it but sad that it'll will be in memory of you instead of In Celebration of you. I've also been thinking about doing some other things. I'd like to get an angel off the Angel Tree close to your age each year and spend the money we would have spent on you on someone else who needs it. And I know you birthday is a long way off but I've already been thinking of what I'd like to do to celebrate it. I think I'd like to get our family together and make some memory boxes and then take them back to Wesley. Daddy's not sure about it. I think he's still really in a lot of pain of losing you though. We've got time to think about it. I don't want to forget you and I want your memory to live on. I want your short life to make a difference.
love you,
Momma
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
We've decided to do March of Dimes in your honor. We've raised close to $1000. I like to think it's going to NEC research but I highly doubt that. The walk is next weekend in Ada, Oklahoma. Daddy can't come with me because he has to work but hopefully next year we will both be able to walk for you. I'm really excited about it but sad that it'll will be in memory of you instead of In Celebration of you. I've also been thinking about doing some other things. I'd like to get an angel off the Angel Tree close to your age each year and spend the money we would have spent on you on someone else who needs it. And I know you birthday is a long way off but I've already been thinking of what I'd like to do to celebrate it. I think I'd like to get our family together and make some memory boxes and then take them back to Wesley. Daddy's not sure about it. I think he's still really in a lot of pain of losing you though. We've got time to think about it. I don't want to forget you and I want your memory to live on. I want your short life to make a difference.
love you,
Momma
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Day 6: How many kids
Cooper,
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
That's not a question I've been asked yet. But it's something that I've been thinking about a lot. I'm not sure how I would answer that. I'm not going to deny the fact that you exsisted because you did. I held you, I feed you, I changed your diapers. I have the sweetest memories of you. I'm not worried about making people uncomfortable either. I think I will answer them honestly. Tell them I had a son and he passed away when he was 9 days old because of an infection that preemies get. I can't wait for someone to ask me. I think the first time might be hard, but I think I'm ready for people to ask me. We love you so much Cooper. We are so proud to have you as our son and be your parents. We aren't practicing parents so to speak but we are still your parents.
love you,
Momma
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
That's not a question I've been asked yet. But it's something that I've been thinking about a lot. I'm not sure how I would answer that. I'm not going to deny the fact that you exsisted because you did. I held you, I feed you, I changed your diapers. I have the sweetest memories of you. I'm not worried about making people uncomfortable either. I think I will answer them honestly. Tell them I had a son and he passed away when he was 9 days old because of an infection that preemies get. I can't wait for someone to ask me. I think the first time might be hard, but I think I'm ready for people to ask me. We love you so much Cooper. We are so proud to have you as our son and be your parents. We aren't practicing parents so to speak but we are still your parents.
love you,
Momma
Monday, October 10, 2011
Day 5: Signs and Reminders
Cooper,
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminders of your angel(s)? If so what are they? *Winks*
If you are, I must be a little dense and I'm not picking up on them at all. I absent mindedly made a wreath out of brown and green ribbon but I don't think that was a sign or a reminder. I pray a lot that I'll see a sign to let me know your okay. I'll see monkeys every now and then and that reminds me of you. You nursery was going to be in brown and green and monkeys. Your daddy picked it for you. I know you have to be but I'd like a little sign to know that your okay. Mind sending one my way sometime soon?
love you,
Momma
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminders of your angel(s)? If so what are they? *Winks*
If you are, I must be a little dense and I'm not picking up on them at all. I absent mindedly made a wreath out of brown and green ribbon but I don't think that was a sign or a reminder. I pray a lot that I'll see a sign to let me know your okay. I'll see monkeys every now and then and that reminds me of you. You nursery was going to be in brown and green and monkeys. Your daddy picked it for you. I know you have to be but I'd like a little sign to know that your okay. Mind sending one my way sometime soon?
love you,
Momma
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Day 4: What get me through
Cooper,
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
I can't really pin point anything that has kept me going. I think I'm still so early in my grieving for you baby, that I havn't quite found that light at the end of the tunnel yet. Dad says's I'll find it again. I think he might have. I tried doing some of things I used to do but I the joy I found in them is gone. I hope that I can find it again.
Right after you left, I used to get up each morning because I knew it was one day closer to one of your siblings. But at the same time I knew it is a day farther from you. I've got to get healthy again both physically and mentally so I can carry your baby brother or sister to term. So maybe that keeps me going some days? Thinking about having a sibling for you that keeps me going some days.
love you,
Momma
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
I can't really pin point anything that has kept me going. I think I'm still so early in my grieving for you baby, that I havn't quite found that light at the end of the tunnel yet. Dad says's I'll find it again. I think he might have. I tried doing some of things I used to do but I the joy I found in them is gone. I hope that I can find it again.
Right after you left, I used to get up each morning because I knew it was one day closer to one of your siblings. But at the same time I knew it is a day farther from you. I've got to get healthy again both physically and mentally so I can carry your baby brother or sister to term. So maybe that keeps me going some days? Thinking about having a sibling for you that keeps me going some days.
love you,
Momma
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Day 3: My Rock
Cooper,
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
You daddy has been my rock. Here's a picture of him.
That was taken on our wedding day. He looked so handsome in his dress uniform. :)
I don't know what I'd do without your dad. He's been so supportive, just letting me scream and yell and get everything off my chest when I need to. He's one of the few that actually gets the situation. Yes, other mights think they understand what happened. But they don't, they can only relate to what happened. No one else was your momma or daddy. So they don't know what it was like to lose you. He tries to distract me by taking me to the movies and going to places that we've never been to before. He's not wanting either one of us to forget you, I know we won't but he's trying to make everything better. Like daddies are supposed to do. He's doing his best, baby. We love you.
love you,
Momma
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
You daddy has been my rock. Here's a picture of him.
That was taken on our wedding day. He looked so handsome in his dress uniform. :)
I don't know what I'd do without your dad. He's been so supportive, just letting me scream and yell and get everything off my chest when I need to. He's one of the few that actually gets the situation. Yes, other mights think they understand what happened. But they don't, they can only relate to what happened. No one else was your momma or daddy. So they don't know what it was like to lose you. He tries to distract me by taking me to the movies and going to places that we've never been to before. He's not wanting either one of us to forget you, I know we won't but he's trying to make everything better. Like daddies are supposed to do. He's doing his best, baby. We love you.
love you,
Momma
Friday, October 7, 2011
Day 2: Tell us about your children.
Cooper,
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as as little as you like. Names, birthdates, stats.
Sweet boy, you have an older sibling. A brother or sister, I do not know. But you do. I hope you are together looking down at us. We thought we were pregnant last year in March and took a test but it wasn't positive. I went home to visit family and we still thought I might be pregnant. When I came back home, I took another test and this one was positive. We were so excited about that baby. But it was short lived. About two weeks later, I started bleeding on a Sunday night. I called he doctor the next morning and they had me come in and run a few tests. They called back later that day and said I just had an infection and the baby was fine. I continued to bleed and I called them back. They sent me for an ultrasound just to make sure the baby was fine and sadly when we went, there was nothing. We had lost our baby, your sibling.
And then you came along baby. We found out we were pregnant with you in January. Daddy knew I had to be pregnant again. First, you must know that I'm a pretty picky eater. I tend to eat the same things over and over again. But your daddy will eat just about anything. I made something new for dinner. Your daddy HATED it but I craved it all week long. I went grocery shopping and your dad told me to pick up a pregnancy test. I told him I knew I wasn't. But I was wrong, it took all of 30 seconds for the test to read PREGNANT. We were so excited! You were due September 25, 2011. But my body decided that you were going to come early. Almost 6 weeks early. I had Pre-Eclampsia and my kidneys and liver had started to shut down by the time, the doctors figured everything out. For my safety and for you as well, they decided you need to come out. You were stubborn and hadn't flipped yet, so I need a c-section. You were born when I was 34 weeks and 5 days on August 19, 2011 a 9:29 PM. You were 4 lbs, 14 oz. I remember they held you over the curtain and I saw that you had my nose. Daddy noticed it right away too. You looked just like your dad. But you had my nose and my chin. You were perfect to us. You hated being cold and would look like you were going to cry anytime they unwrapped you or if you needed your diaper changed. You would make these faces like you were going to let out a big cry but then you'd just close your mouth and eyes and fall back asleep. You never really cried much, just made us and your nurses think you were going to cry. And by the way, your nurses loved you sooo much. You were such a strong little guy, even your doctors were impressed with how healthy you were.
And then you got sick little one. No one expected it because you were doing so well. A doctor called us on Friday, August 26 and told us that there was something wrong and they were going to run some tests. I knew instantly that something was very wrong. Your daddy kept trying to tell me it was nothing but I knew something was very wrong. We thought we would still just go at our normal time. But then they called back and said that you were having trouble breathing and needed some help. We raced up to see you and that's when they said you had NEC. You had something called Necrotizing Enterocolitis. It's an infection preemies can get. It's an infection in the lining of the intestines. Bubbles form and then the bowels perferate. Sometimes babies need surgery. Where the bubbles form, it means that the intestines is dying. You had a very severe case of it Cooper. You got very sick very fast. The doctors had hope for you in the beginning but then you continued to get sick very fast. They did everything that they could for you. On Sunday when I got there, you were very sick and they were having problems with your heart. It just couldn't handle how sick you had become. They helped you stay alive until your daddy could come to the hospital. And then you grew your wings and flew away. And that's your story son. Your 9 days you spent here with us. They meant so much to us and we'll remember you always our first born son.
And here you are, this is one of my favorite pictures or you. Your daddy took it.
love you,
Momma
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as as little as you like. Names, birthdates, stats.
Sweet boy, you have an older sibling. A brother or sister, I do not know. But you do. I hope you are together looking down at us. We thought we were pregnant last year in March and took a test but it wasn't positive. I went home to visit family and we still thought I might be pregnant. When I came back home, I took another test and this one was positive. We were so excited about that baby. But it was short lived. About two weeks later, I started bleeding on a Sunday night. I called he doctor the next morning and they had me come in and run a few tests. They called back later that day and said I just had an infection and the baby was fine. I continued to bleed and I called them back. They sent me for an ultrasound just to make sure the baby was fine and sadly when we went, there was nothing. We had lost our baby, your sibling.
And then you came along baby. We found out we were pregnant with you in January. Daddy knew I had to be pregnant again. First, you must know that I'm a pretty picky eater. I tend to eat the same things over and over again. But your daddy will eat just about anything. I made something new for dinner. Your daddy HATED it but I craved it all week long. I went grocery shopping and your dad told me to pick up a pregnancy test. I told him I knew I wasn't. But I was wrong, it took all of 30 seconds for the test to read PREGNANT. We were so excited! You were due September 25, 2011. But my body decided that you were going to come early. Almost 6 weeks early. I had Pre-Eclampsia and my kidneys and liver had started to shut down by the time, the doctors figured everything out. For my safety and for you as well, they decided you need to come out. You were stubborn and hadn't flipped yet, so I need a c-section. You were born when I was 34 weeks and 5 days on August 19, 2011 a 9:29 PM. You were 4 lbs, 14 oz. I remember they held you over the curtain and I saw that you had my nose. Daddy noticed it right away too. You looked just like your dad. But you had my nose and my chin. You were perfect to us. You hated being cold and would look like you were going to cry anytime they unwrapped you or if you needed your diaper changed. You would make these faces like you were going to let out a big cry but then you'd just close your mouth and eyes and fall back asleep. You never really cried much, just made us and your nurses think you were going to cry. And by the way, your nurses loved you sooo much. You were such a strong little guy, even your doctors were impressed with how healthy you were.
And then you got sick little one. No one expected it because you were doing so well. A doctor called us on Friday, August 26 and told us that there was something wrong and they were going to run some tests. I knew instantly that something was very wrong. Your daddy kept trying to tell me it was nothing but I knew something was very wrong. We thought we would still just go at our normal time. But then they called back and said that you were having trouble breathing and needed some help. We raced up to see you and that's when they said you had NEC. You had something called Necrotizing Enterocolitis. It's an infection preemies can get. It's an infection in the lining of the intestines. Bubbles form and then the bowels perferate. Sometimes babies need surgery. Where the bubbles form, it means that the intestines is dying. You had a very severe case of it Cooper. You got very sick very fast. The doctors had hope for you in the beginning but then you continued to get sick very fast. They did everything that they could for you. On Sunday when I got there, you were very sick and they were having problems with your heart. It just couldn't handle how sick you had become. They helped you stay alive until your daddy could come to the hospital. And then you grew your wings and flew away. And that's your story son. Your 9 days you spent here with us. They meant so much to us and we'll remember you always our first born son.
And here you are, this is one of my favorite pictures or you. Your daddy took it.
love you,
Momma
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Day 1: Who are you?
Cooper,
Here's it is the start of a 31 day challenge...hopefully I'll find out more about myself. And maybe you'll find out more about your momma.
Day 1, Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Here's me....your momma.
Since I'm 26, I'll share 26 things.
1. I'm a wife.
2. I'm a daughter.
3. I'm an angel momma. I have 2 angel babies.
4. I'm a teacher.
5. Losing you is the hardest thing I've been through in my life.
6. I think I'm crafty sometimes.
7. I've recently discovered I like dry humor.
8. I love Disney.
9. I hate cleaning.
10. I like the summertime best. I HATE being cold.
11. Christmas is my favorite holiday. You Mimi throws the best Christmas parties.
12. PF Changs is my favorite. You would have loved their lettuce wraps.
13. I hate seafood and steak. Your Daddy think's that I'm pretty un-American since I don't like steak.
14. I like to read. A LOT. And so does your Daddy, We like to think you would have too.
15. I like computer games, I can thank your Daddy for that one too. He would have gotten you hooked as well.
16. I used to hate water, but I can't get enough of it lately.
17. My favorite type of date with your dad, is going to the book store and spending hours there.
18. I've been to Spain and France. We wish we could have taken you.
19. Your daddy and I never got a honeymoon. We moved to Kansas instead.
20. I worked for Quik Trip for almost 6 years. That's how your Daddy and I met.
21. I hate scary movies. Your daddy does and thinks it's fun to scare me.
22. I have a big family. Your daddy doesn't.
23. I think my family is crazy. So does your daddy. We love them anyways. So would you.
24. Oh, your daddy and I got married twice. :) Once in June and again in August.
25. I want all of my kids names to start with 'C'. I like the sound.
26. Coming up with 26 things was hard.
love you,
Momma
Here's it is the start of a 31 day challenge...hopefully I'll find out more about myself. And maybe you'll find out more about your momma.
Day 1, Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Here's me....your momma.
Since I'm 26, I'll share 26 things.
1. I'm a wife.
2. I'm a daughter.
3. I'm an angel momma. I have 2 angel babies.
4. I'm a teacher.
5. Losing you is the hardest thing I've been through in my life.
6. I think I'm crafty sometimes.
7. I've recently discovered I like dry humor.
8. I love Disney.
9. I hate cleaning.
10. I like the summertime best. I HATE being cold.
11. Christmas is my favorite holiday. You Mimi throws the best Christmas parties.
12. PF Changs is my favorite. You would have loved their lettuce wraps.
13. I hate seafood and steak. Your Daddy think's that I'm pretty un-American since I don't like steak.
14. I like to read. A LOT. And so does your Daddy, We like to think you would have too.
15. I like computer games, I can thank your Daddy for that one too. He would have gotten you hooked as well.
16. I used to hate water, but I can't get enough of it lately.
17. My favorite type of date with your dad, is going to the book store and spending hours there.
18. I've been to Spain and France. We wish we could have taken you.
19. Your daddy and I never got a honeymoon. We moved to Kansas instead.
20. I worked for Quik Trip for almost 6 years. That's how your Daddy and I met.
21. I hate scary movies. Your daddy does and thinks it's fun to scare me.
22. I have a big family. Your daddy doesn't.
23. I think my family is crazy. So does your daddy. We love them anyways. So would you.
24. Oh, your daddy and I got married twice. :) Once in June and again in August.
25. I want all of my kids names to start with 'C'. I like the sound.
26. Coming up with 26 things was hard.
love you,
Momma
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
31 day challenge
Cooper,
I'm doing this for you sweet Cooper.
Since October is not only Breast cancer awareness month it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month, I am doing this 31 day challenge about my grief progress.
Here is the criteria.
Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your “rock”?
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? *Winks*
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don’t other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Day 11: It is said that Father’s and Mother’s grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel’s father?
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
Day 13: Does anyone else besides your speak your child’s name?
Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child’s memories or make new memories of your angel.
Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?
Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?
Day 17: Do you feel your child is watching over you?
Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?
Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)?
Day 20: If you have anger…..What are you most angry about?
Day 21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?
Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)
Day 23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Day 24: On Birthday’s, Diagnosis Day’s, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?
Day 25: On Birthday’s, Diagnosis Day’s, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?
Day 26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?
Day 27: Share a picture.
Day 28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?
Day 29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?
Day 30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday’s and starting a new year)
Day 31: Do you feel like 31 days has helped you open up more about your child(ren) and your grief?
love you,
Momma
I'm doing this for you sweet Cooper.
Since October is not only Breast cancer awareness month it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month, I am doing this 31 day challenge about my grief progress.
Here is the criteria.
Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your “rock”?
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? *Winks*
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don’t other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Day 11: It is said that Father’s and Mother’s grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel’s father?
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
Day 13: Does anyone else besides your speak your child’s name?
Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child’s memories or make new memories of your angel.
Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?
Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?
Day 17: Do you feel your child is watching over you?
Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?
Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)?
Day 20: If you have anger…..What are you most angry about?
Day 21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?
Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)
Day 23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Day 24: On Birthday’s, Diagnosis Day’s, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?
Day 25: On Birthday’s, Diagnosis Day’s, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?
Day 26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?
Day 27: Share a picture.
Day 28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?
Day 29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?
Day 30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday’s and starting a new year)
Day 31: Do you feel like 31 days has helped you open up more about your child(ren) and your grief?
love you,
Momma
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
guilty
Cooper,
This weekend your Daddy and I actually laughed. I feel guilty about it because maybe it's too soon to laugh? We went to a wildlife park here outside of town. Daddy tried to get me to ride a camel. But I did feed the giraffes. We had fun. We watched children playing on the playground and I thought of you. I thought of things that I'll never get the chance to see you do. I like to think that you'll get to do them in Heaven and then one day Grandma and you will tell me all about them. One day we'll see you again.
Daddy's having surgery tomorrow. I'm scared thinking about it. Please stay with Daddy tomorrow. Keep him safe.
i'll love you forever.
Momma
This weekend your Daddy and I actually laughed. I feel guilty about it because maybe it's too soon to laugh? We went to a wildlife park here outside of town. Daddy tried to get me to ride a camel. But I did feed the giraffes. We had fun. We watched children playing on the playground and I thought of you. I thought of things that I'll never get the chance to see you do. I like to think that you'll get to do them in Heaven and then one day Grandma and you will tell me all about them. One day we'll see you again.
Daddy's having surgery tomorrow. I'm scared thinking about it. Please stay with Daddy tomorrow. Keep him safe.
i'll love you forever.
Momma
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