Molly Bears

Cooper,

 Not long after you left us I found out about a wonderful organization called Molly Bears.  The make bears for Mommas and Daddies whose arms feel empty after their babies leave too soon.  That was my biggest fear after you passed away, that I wouldn't remember how you felt in my arms.  And then I found their organization.  These bears are special.  They weigh as much as our babies did, as much as you did, all 4 lbs. 14 oz.  They open up their waiting list once a month on the 30th just for the day.  There is a great need for these bears right now, so the waiting list is quite long.  It can take over a year to get your bear.  I put my name, well I guess your name in a way, on the list about a month after you died. #1404 They are still working on the the bears in the 500 right now so I'm sure it will be some time before I can hold my bear.  Sometimes they do drawings to get your bear early or if you donate a certain amount they will make your bear first.  We don't have a cash tree growing so we havn't been able to donate yet.  Most of our extra money has been going to your headstone.  Since that would be one of the things we would buy for you we wanted it to be perfect and didn't exactly look at what it all cost until afterwards.  It didn't matter to us.  We want you headstone to be put out as soon as possible so we've been paying extra to that bill.  Got a little sidetracked there...
Anyways, for Christmas Papa Don and Kimmy gave me a sewing machine for Christmas. At first all I could think was "What the hell am I supposed to do with this???" And then a few days later it occurred to me.  A couple of months back, they were looking for people to help with bows and inserts and other things for the bears.  I remembered that it took a sewing machine to make the inserts and there I had it...I'm going to help make the inserts for Molly Bears. :) I got the pattern in an e-mail today.  And Daddy and I are going home again in few weeks for Aunt Kisha's birthday and Nana is going to help me figure out how to set up my sewing machine and teach me how to use it.  But the BEST PART you might ask???? They said after I turn in 60 sets, they will pick my bear and make it for me!  I will be getting Cooper Bear a lot earlier than I expected!  They'd like me to turn in 30 inserts a month so I'm hoping it will only take me 2 months  to get my Cooper Bear...hopefully the bear will be here after your 6 month birthday/angelversary. But until then I've got lots of inserts to make and your shadow box to work on.

Daddy got me a beautiful shadow box to put some of your things in.  I can't wait to finish it and hang it up.  I've been redecorating the house.  Well I guess decorating this house.  I'm sure it drives your daddy bonkers but he knows that it takes my mind off of things (even though you are really never far from my mind) and he knows it makes me 'happy'. I'm sure our bank account isn't very happy about it though.  That was one of my favorite things to do with your Daddy when I was pregnant.  We spent about a month this summer just getting the house ready for you.  We picked a room each weekend and clean and then shop.  I remember trying to put together a bookcase.  Daddy asked me sit in the middle and screw something in because my fingers are smaller than his.  I tried to get as close to the floor but my belly kept getting in the way. You didn't care too much for it,  you kept kicking me in the gut.  It took us about 3 hours to put it together and it was pretty crappy but we finally got it built.  I remember Daddy trying to help me get off the ground.  He thought it was hysterical, he kept calling me a beached whale.  You would have loved him.

love you to the moon and back,
Momma