1 month...

Cooper,

You would have been 1 month today. I can't believe how long it's been since we saw you last. Some days I feel like I'm already forgeting what you loooked like and then I'll look at your pictures and I'll your sweet face. Baby boy, I swear you looked exactly like me. But you made faces just like your daddy. You hated to have your clothes taken off and your diaper changed. I think you hated being cold. I hate being cold, I think you got that from me too. But you made these faces like you were going scream bloody murder and then you'd just fall back asleep. Sleep, you got the from the both of us. We LOVE to sleep in this family.

Cooper, I feel we were robbed of time with you. I think about about what kind of job you would have had or what you would have been like in high school. Or in LIFE in general. Daddy was supposed to have taken you fishing with Uncle Charlie and Papa Don. I was supposed to have taught you how to read. And then the 3 of us would have spent hours at the book store together. You and Norah would have been so close in age. You would have started kindergarten the same year. I think about family vacations and pictures and holidays you will never get to be a part of.

We're getting a new house baby. Please don't be mad at us. We can't stay here anymore. There's too many memories here for us. You spent your entire nine months here. This is a house we'll never get to take you home too. Did you know your Kimmy and Papa Don cleaned the entire house because you were born so early? Do you know how much they loved you? Did you know all 3 of grandma, bought you clothes the same weekened? I was terrified I wasn't going to have anything to bring you home in because you were so small. And Kristin washed everything for you. The week you were in the hospital and we were waiting to bring you home, I went through all of your clothes and tried to organize them. Your Daddy was so mad at me. He thought I should have been resting. But all I wanted to do was take care of you. I spent an entire afternoon sorting through and oraganizing your clothes. It's still the way I left. Smaller sizes hanging up ready for you to wear, while the bigger clothes are sitting in piles in your crib to be put away. I can't believe you'll never get to wear any of it.

Cooper, we miss you so much. We talk about you a lot. We love and are so proud to call you our son. I'm such a proud momma. I'll even tell perfect strangers about you. I will ALWAYS tell people about you. Baby, I can't wait until you are a big brother and we can tell you brothers or sisters all about you. Everyone loved you. Even your nurses. Did you know they cried with us? They didn't want to leave you either. Did you know that? They kept you with them until someone came for you. You were so special to everyone that met you.

Daddy and I will get better, I promise you. We learn smile and laugh again. Please baby, just give us some time. I promise, we'll learn to live again, sweet boy.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
Love, Momma