Since he's been gone,

Cooper,

You daddy's gone for the first time since you've been gone.  I've been surprised with myself.  I didn't cry when I dropped him off or for the rest of the day.  I havn't cried about him being gone at all. I've only cried for you.  I remember the last time he left was just a few weeks after we found out we were expecting you.  I cried for days not having him there with me, with us.  I also remember picking him up at the airport thinking that one day it would be the two of us going to pick him.  I couldn't wait.  I guess in way you still go with me to drop him off and pick him.  And you even get to go with him.  If you're there with him now I hope you are enjoying yourself.

While he's been gone, I've just kept to myself.  I know your daddy would want me to get out and see friends but I just don't want to.  I went to Kristin's last night and I suppose I'll go over there again tonight but I'd rather be by myself.

We put of the tree before we left.  I was really looking forward to starting family traditions with you here.  Daddy and I talk about what we'll do when your siblings are finally here.  I like to think about it.  I went out to try and find the perfect ornament for you. It's part of our new tradition.   An ornament for each of kids every year.  You might not be here with us but you will get your own ornament every year.  I couldn't find the right one so I've decided I'm going to make it.  Mimi gave us an ornament holder last year and I think I'll put your ornament for that year on it.  You doctor from Wesley also sent us an ornament.  It has your name and birthday and Angelversary on it.  I put it right on top next to Baby Sala's ornament we got last year.  I've been forcing myself to do Christmassy things this year. Listening to music, finding the right gifts, going to parties, etc.  I wish you dad was here... Hopefully he'll be back before Christmas.

love you sweet boy,
Momma