Cooper,
I went back and read some of the entries I made about a month after you were born. I can't believe I've come this far. I didn't think I'd be standing but here I am. I'm breathing AND standing!
My days are starting to get better. I'm beginning slowly to see that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. But I was talking with my therapist today that I don't really think I'll ever come back from this. I'll recover but I won't be the same me. Having you and watching you pass away has completely changed me. I think about everything completely differently now. Daddy says I'm much more matter of fact and get straight to the point. I don't let people run me over. Who would have thought you would do that to me? I'm too much of people pleaser and really want people to like me. Now I really don't care, this is me. I've lost my son. You're either in my life or not.
I'm beginning to even want to go out and do things. Daddy and I are actually thinking about taking a trip together for my Spring Break? Do you know the last time we took a trip. That would be never. We never got our honeymoon. And we thought for sure that we wouldn't be able to go anywhere until he got out. I think we are starting to live in the moment and cherish each other even more. I'm not sure where we will go or if we will even go but it's having something to think about and look forward too.
love you Monkey,
Momma
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