Thanksgiving...

Cooper,

We're going home for Thanksgiving in a few hours. Dad is still at work and I'm supposed to be doing laundry but I'm procrastinating.  I ran to the post office this morning and brought Binx with me.  He loves his car rides.  I was almost home and I was thinking/imagining to myself what it would have been like to have him and you in the car. And then I thought well Binx for sure wouldn't have been in the car because he takes up too much space.  And the it hit me, the reason why I was going to the post office: to send a check to pay for the shirts we had made for March for Babies and sending a little gift to another babyloss momma.  It hit me, if I still had you I wouldn't be going to the post office today.  Instead I'm be at home, probably packing everything you own because I wouldn't know what you would need and what you wouldn't need.  Of course we'd have some of the stuff in Oklahoma.  But it's stuck in my mind now.  I feel like sometimes I'm living in this cruel parallel world, the one where you're not here and there's a second one where you survived or even a 3rd and 4th one where you didn't come early and the other where you didn't get sick.  I personally would have chosen the 3rd or 4th but here I am stuck in the one where you're not here.

One day I hope to get out or move in the one where there are babies for me and your dad until then I'm stuck here without you.

love you,
Momma