Cooper,
I miss you so much. I know Daddy does as well. We've had lots of changes over the past the month. Daddy is officially getting out of the Air Force. My heart hurts for him but we are so relieved to be getting out. Daddy loves his job but after he got hurt almost 4 years ago, he really couldn't everything he was supposed to be able to do. He's always said he joined to see the world, but then he got stationed 130 miles from home. He has been able to a few pretty cool places but he's never been able to deploy as much as that idea scares Momma, I know how much he wanted to be able to do that. Daddy really wanted to stay in and make this his career but he can't. Even after he got hurt, we tried everything to fix his knee so he could. But after we lost you, we sort of just gave up and didn't really care. He just did what needed to be done. We're going to Texas next month to sort out some of the problems with his knee. And sometime after that, they should give us an exact date for Daddy's last day as an airman. We should be here for a few months after that.
Daddy has already started to look for a new job. I can tell he's excited about starting something new. He'll still get to do what he's doing know, but just as a civilian. And there will still be that opportunity for him to travel and see those cool places he's always wanted to see. And there won't be anyone to tell him no because of his knee. He's been looking at jobs in Florida. We've never lived that far from home before. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. I'm looking forward to this new adventure with him. But sad because we won't be close to Nana and Papa and everyone else. And especially that I won't be able to go and visit you at your special place. Nana has already promised she'd take good care of it for me. I'm hoping once we get to Florida, I'll be in a school district or a private school again. Daddy and I have also been thinking about the idea of me going back to school full time to get my Masters in Reading. I'm honestly not sure whether or not I really want it anymore. Everything has changed so much.
I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm dreading it. This time last year, I was excited about it. I knew I'd be back for about 6 weeks and then be off for a few months because you would finally be here. I was only back at work for about 2 weeks before I got sick and you came early. This year I don't know how to feel about it. Ms. Suzy isn't coming back because her husband got a job in Nebraska. I am so excited for Ms. Suzy and Mr. Marcus, they have some fun exciting new changes in their life as well! And Ms. Janice is finally retiring so she can spend more time with her son and her grandbabies in Texas. I also found out a bit of information about someone else at work. I know they've been working towards something at work and it finally happened for them. I knew it was coming but just not this quickly. I feel very numb. Ms. Shirley will still be there and I'm happy about that. I just hope we are finally together if even for only a few months, she is wonderful and I believe she could handle the room by herself until they could find a replacement for me. I started working on a few ideas for things I'd really like to change. I've been looking for some art monthly art projects. It made me sad to think about because I'll never get a art project from you. I love art projects. I'm sure our refrigerator would have been covered in your masterpieces. I don't think I could have thrown any of them away and I would have had a big box of all of them.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Day 4 ~ A picture of your favorite night.
Cooper,
Weeknds just get the best of me sometimes. I looked up and yesterday was Sunday and I realized I had posted since Thursday and the 'theory' of this challenge is to post every day for 30 days. So I just don't think weekends are going to happen, bear with me. If I skip the weekends or a day, I'll just pick up where I left off at, no skipping!
I actually don't have a picture from my favorite night....we thought about it later and we should have had a camera up at the hospital the night you were born. Biggest regret #1...but I can guarentee that we will have one from now. A friend brought her camera so we have some before you were born. And then Daddy has a bunch from after you were born and in the NICU.
Here's Momma and Daddy before you were born. They came in at about 8:00 and said you were coming! And there's that fancy IV, I was hooked up to for 24 hours! Super fun! I had Magnesuim Sulfate which was AWESOME (said no one ever)! I hated getting those. I was trying really hard not to freak out. My biggest fear during pregnancy was having to have a c-section. You still hadn't flipped and had you head up in my ribs. In the end, I didn't care I just wanted you there safe and sound.
Daddy dressed up just for you! The drugs that they had me hooked up to made me very loopy and I kept telling Daddy that he looked like a smurf. And if you look at the clock behind him, it says 8:34...you were born less than an hour later! That hour and half felt so looooong. But once they said 'cut' you were out in about a minute and half! We were so very ready to finally met you!
This is my FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE picture of you. Daddy said he held out finger and you opened your just wide enough to see it, grabbed it and closed them again. It makes you look much smaller than your 4 lbs. 14 oz. And it looks like you even have a bit of tan...better than Dad's will ever be! And you clearly have my nose! That was the first thing I really remember, the doctor held you over the curtain for me to see and I noticed it right away. Dad said I sort of grunted 'nose' and he didn't really understand what I was saying. But I finally made out that you had my nose. I was pretty happy that you got the feature. You definately started to look more like Daddy but you had my nose. And my feet, I'm so sorry you had my feet, small and fat.
Weeknds just get the best of me sometimes. I looked up and yesterday was Sunday and I realized I had posted since Thursday and the 'theory' of this challenge is to post every day for 30 days. So I just don't think weekends are going to happen, bear with me. If I skip the weekends or a day, I'll just pick up where I left off at, no skipping!
I actually don't have a picture from my favorite night....we thought about it later and we should have had a camera up at the hospital the night you were born. Biggest regret #1...but I can guarentee that we will have one from now. A friend brought her camera so we have some before you were born. And then Daddy has a bunch from after you were born and in the NICU.
Here's Momma and Daddy before you were born. They came in at about 8:00 and said you were coming! And there's that fancy IV, I was hooked up to for 24 hours! Super fun! I had Magnesuim Sulfate which was AWESOME (said no one ever)! I hated getting those. I was trying really hard not to freak out. My biggest fear during pregnancy was having to have a c-section. You still hadn't flipped and had you head up in my ribs. In the end, I didn't care I just wanted you there safe and sound.
Daddy dressed up just for you! The drugs that they had me hooked up to made me very loopy and I kept telling Daddy that he looked like a smurf. And if you look at the clock behind him, it says 8:34...you were born less than an hour later! That hour and half felt so looooong. But once they said 'cut' you were out in about a minute and half! We were so very ready to finally met you!
This is my FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE picture of you. Daddy said he held out finger and you opened your just wide enough to see it, grabbed it and closed them again. It makes you look much smaller than your 4 lbs. 14 oz. And it looks like you even have a bit of tan...better than Dad's will ever be! And you clearly have my nose! That was the first thing I really remember, the doctor held you over the curtain for me to see and I noticed it right away. Dad said I sort of grunted 'nose' and he didn't really understand what I was saying. But I finally made out that you had my nose. I was pretty happy that you got the feature. You definately started to look more like Daddy but you had my nose. And my feet, I'm so sorry you had my feet, small and fat.
Here are some of my happenings from that night:
Kristin was the first one to arrive that night...she took all of the before pictures. She has two boys and her oldest was also born at 34 weeks and 5 days. About a month before I had you, she made the comment about having Westin at 34 weeks and 5 days. And she said it could be less than a month until you arrived and were we ready? I told her we were NOT ready and you were NOT going to come that early. The first thing she said when she walked in was "You realize you're 34 weeks and 5 days, right?" I was eating my words and NOT happy about it.
Later, after they had me prepped and ready to go, they brought dad. He walked in and just stopped and stared. By that time, the spinal was starting to work and I couldn't feel anything. I knew I was erm...naked. Daddy sat down and I said "Modesty has gone out the window!" I am an extremely modest person. Daddy just sort of laughed and said yeah.
After you were born, I was very adament that he check to make sure you had boy parts and not girl parts. I think I asked the doctor and all the nurses to please verify that you were a boy and not a girl. I was still holding out that you were really a she. I love my boy <3
Much, much, much earlier in my pregnancy, I had also mentioned to Kristin that I was terrified that you were going to be an 'ugly' baby and that no one would tell me the truth. I made her promise me that she would. After she finally met, she said that not only were you not an 'ugly' baby but that you were a very cute baby. And she wasn't making it up. I think it also helped that you didn't have a cone head. A lot of the nurses recognized that fact as well. But then I'm Momma so of course I'm going to be bias about my own child.
love you to the moon and back,
Momma
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